the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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