I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sobbing to NWA
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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