did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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