Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
