i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
