Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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