for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
