I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
