I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
