I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
