her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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