Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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