Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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