Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
