I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
