nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
