this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize