I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
