butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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