5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
