You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
