If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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