i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
