she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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