Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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