I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
