just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
