anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize