just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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