I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
