well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
