dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
