the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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