he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
