We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
