1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
