Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
