You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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