He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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