im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
