just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
