There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
