you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
