I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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