Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
