i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
