carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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