You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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