Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
