Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
