I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
