It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
