Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
