Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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