did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
