wat bout pragnant strippers??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize