i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's blow job season.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
