I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
