Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
