She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
