I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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