So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
