found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
