i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
