Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize