Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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