the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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