Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
