I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
