so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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