i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize