i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
