Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
