how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
