My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
And then he peed in my hair
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