yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
