He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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