Me too!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
