the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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