reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
