bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
