I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
