Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
